Bulgaria

Spring of 2019 was a difficult season. I lost my grandfather, and with his passing, grieved my grandmother all over again as well. They were both gone, and it felt like the only place I had ever thought of as home was gone too. In the same month, we suffered a second big loss in our adoption process and with the loss came revelation that the agency we were working with was, at best, grossly incompetent and, at worst, grossly deceptive. We felt like we could not trust them and ended up pulling out of the program completely. Then, the last week of May, we packed up our home of less than two years and moved from North Carolina to Georgia. A new city, new neighborhood, new streets on which to get lost, and absolutely no one we knew. 

Normally, I am a pretty steady person, but the waves of grief felt overwhelming throughout that summer and I found it difficult to see a vision for what would come next. I took one long day at a time. I found comfort in my family and, as always, enjoyed hours spent with my favorite people. 

The months rolled by and we started finding our new normal. One day, while sitting together in our basement, Rachel climbed up on my lap and asked “When are you going to get our new sister? I’ve been waiting and waiting for her. Is she ever going to come?” I sat quietly for a few seconds, and then, said, “You know, maybe we will just say our family is complete with the eight of us. Maybe we won’t adopt any more kids. We will just take fabulous vacations instead.” It wasn’t one of my finest moments. 

Rachel didn’t say anything. But, William, my sweet twelve-year-old son, looked at me and said, “No. That’s not who you are, Mom.” 

That is not who we are. Truth spoken from my young son. That evening I praised God in my prayer time for all the time we have had to pour truth into our children and that now, as they are getting older, we are starting to see that truth take root and blossom. I am so thankful He is working in their hearts in such a way that they see who He is and what He has called us to. They know we are His…that is who we are. 

A few months later, in December, the Lord started waking me up in the middle of the night to pray. Almost every morning around 4:30, I would be startled awake and feel an urgent need to pray. I’d tiptoe to the living room, wrap up in a blanket and sit with the Lord. I had no idea why He was calling me to this time with Him, but I knew He was preparing us for something. Sure enough, the week before Christmas, Robert said he felt like we were being called to start another adoption process and said, “I know we have another daughter.” 

We knew, after our experience with the other agency, we would only work with the agency who helped us with Laura and Howie’s adoption. CCAI has proved themselves to be upright, honest, and trustworthy. They walked us through both China adoptions, and we have always been happy with them. We know now that is not always the case in the world of adoption agencies. 

God continued to wake both Robert and me up through the month of January. Many mornings were spent praying about where we should pursue an adoption. We both heard “Bulgaria” but hesitated because we have always been afraid of adopting from Eastern Europe. The care there is worse than China and we have always been afraid of the trauma associated with adopting a child from that area. Despite our fear, God continued to make His call clear. He reminded us of His faithfulness. He reminded us that He would equip us, just as He did for Laura and Howie. He reminded us of the need and that it is His people He asks to meet the need. And, so, in January, we stepped out in faith, knowing it was His call and our answer must be “Yes.”