My Little Loves Here at Home

 There’s a part of my brain that starts screaming at me to quit in the middle of long runs. That voice asking “why the heck are you doing this?” and screaming “Stop and EAT you crazy lady!” There are articles upon articles written about how to fight off that voice and push through to the end...fuel, water, training, mental games.

Here we are...the week of departure has arrived and the most difficult part emotionally for me is upon me. Leaving these kids who are the loves of my life. That same part of my brain screams “I can’t leave them!” And a crushing sadness at driving away without them engulfs my heart.

There aren’t any articles written about this... and there really aren’t any mental games to make it better...but I have something more...God’s voice speaking truth against the fear...full of perfect peace and all the courage my weak heart needs. He reminds me that sometimes He requires things that are hard. But, in the hard, He is always there with me.

We are THRILLED to be going to meet and bring our last baby HOME in just a few short days. But, the next few days with these six babies at home are full of some hard moments for all of us as we step outside our comfort zone to finish the adoption of our beloved daughter and sister.

Faithful

 “ I will stand at my watch

Emmaline Victoria Zopp

and station myself on the ramparts;

I will look to see what he will say to me,

and what answer I am to give to this complaint.

2 Then the Lord replied:

“Write down the revelation

and make it plain on tablets

so that a herald may run with it.

3 For the revelation awaits an appointed time;

it speaks of the end

and will not prove false.

Though it linger, wait for it;

it will certainly come

and will not delay.” -Habakkuk 2:1-3

Last night, I sat with a pile of toddler sized clothes I have saved for years and was overcome by the Lord’s faithfulness. He is faithful. All the time.

He whispered to us that we would have another daughter long ago. Life has taken many twists and turns since then. Programs closed to us. Family moves. Job changes. The journey to our baby girl did not look like what we imagined. But, all along the way, God was there, encouraging us.

Now, finally, here I am sitting with a pile of 2T clothes I’ve saved all these years...knowing He would be faithful. So excited to hold my little girl. Just a few more weeks to wait.

If you’re waiting for Him ... His timing is perfect. Trust in His faithfulness. It will come.

Sometimes not in the time or way we want or expect. But always for His glory and our good.

Immigration Approval

 Immigration approval came today!!

Y'all. God is ... just overwhelming in the way He speaks and moves. As my feet pounded down familiar sidewalk this weekend, Paul's speech to the Athenians ran through my mind like a tape recorder: "...he is not served by human hands as if he needed anything...he himself gives life, breath and all things...he has determined their preappointed times and the boundaries of their dwellings...that they might seek the Lord and find him, though he is not far from each one of us..." This immigration step had me unraveling a little. Weeks and weeks of silence as I worried about my girl. But God...He reminded me during my sidewalk therapy session that He has a plan. As usual, He is not going to let me see the road map, just one step of obedience at a time. But...just like His timing has always been perfect in all things, His timing will also be perfect with Emmaline. He has all of it already worked out. For His Glory. For my good. For her good.

Monday night, my Spirit woke me to pray over our girl and this immigration application. Tuesday early in the morning, the same. In the wee hours of the morning, I sent an email to the United States Immigration office asking if they could check on our application. A few hours later, they responded that they approved us this morning!

Did God need my prayers to move the paperwork? Nope. But He asked me to chat with Him about it and He sure did use this to refine me, as always. So humbling. Somehow, the Creator also cares about the tiniest details.

Thank you for praying with us! One step closer to holding our baby girl!

Virtual Visits

 No better reason for a 3:30 alarm than to meet our newest daughter. We watched Emmaline play and talked with her caregivers. Her nickname is “Fire Girl” because of her strong will and occasional hot temper. I think she will be able to hold her own here! We love her so much. The next step we need is for the US government to get a move on with our immigration application!

We are thankful for these little video visits but they have also made the waiting even more difficult. We can’t wait to have her home!

Emmaline

 My Pa-Pa was a jokester. He told exaggerated stories, participated in many practical jokes, and he loved to tease people. I would like to say it was always out of love but that wouldn't be true. He got a kick out of irritating people. It made him laugh. And sometimes, a good laugh was priority over protecting feelings. 

My grandmother was prim and proper. She valued etiquette and grace. My mother and I called her Miss Manners. She was from the same rural area of Florida as my grandfather but, probably for the reasons stated above, my Pa-Pa was "that Norman boy" to my grandmother's mother. He was a little too country, not enough manners. 

Still, somehow he endeared himself to my grandmother and they were married for over 50 years before she passed away. 

My grandmother's name was Doris Emily. My Pa-Pa called her Emmaline. The story is, the name started as a way to tease her. Pa-Pa called her Emmaline, she argued that nickname "sounded too country. Don't call me that," he laughed, and she was irritated. This continued. 

By the time I was born, Emmaline was a sweet name of endearment. Only Pa-Pa called her Emmaline and I never remember anything but a faint smile on her face when he did. In public and to the world, she was Doris. When he needed something or in formal conversation, she was Doris. But, in the tender moments, she was his Emmaline. 

Both of my grandparents have left this world and gone on to heaven. I miss them everyday. I dream about them often at night. And I can't wait to see them again when my time here is done. 

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We have decided to name our baby girl Emmaline Victoria. 

Emmaline is a tribute not only to my sweet grandparents, but also to the two women they raised who have been two of my dearest friends my entire life: my mother and my aunt. 

My mother selflessly gave of herself my entire childhood and taught me so much about being a mother, it would be impossible to put it all down on paper. The most important thing, though, was that these tiny humans I am privileged to raise are a gift to be cherished and beloved. Time spent with them is never time wasted. The things of this world that seem so much more important are not important at all, not in comparison to raising my children. She made my childhood beautiful. And, now that I am grown, she is a dear friend to me. 

My aunt-BB was a child herself when I was born and from a very early age, I always looked forward to playing with her. Watching she and my mom interact has always been entertaining. I felt so special when they included me on their adventures...we always ended up in fits of giggles (and often lost). Now, I still enjoy any time we get to spend together. Hours go by as seconds when we are visiting. BB and her family have loved me and my babies well and I am so thankful for the continued relationship we have with all of them. They are a cherished part of our family. 

Victoria comes from our baby girl's Bulgarian name. It is the English equivalent of the name given her in the orphanage. We love that it means "victory". We pray daily for her heart and her well being and look forward to see how the Lord works in her life. 

Emmaline Victoria, we cannot wait to meet you! 

Our New Daughter

 We are absolutely thrilled to finally be matched with our newest daughter. Due to the laws in Bulgaria, we cannot share her face, name, or any identifying information until after we pass court in many months. She is beautiful and already loved so much. The process is still quite long, and we know it will be a difficult wait, but we also know she is worth it! We cannot wait to be her forever family! We love you, sweet girl!

This has been a trying adoption process. There have been many starts and stops. A big move. Big life changes. An agency change. So many delays. After every little detour, the Lord has been faithful to encourage and speak to us. He has made his path known and shown us the way to walk. We are humbled and grateful that He continues to use us and speak to us. And we are so honored and excited to be this baby girl's family. 

 

Even When It Is Difficult

The adoption process for Howie was…dare I say it?...easy. We adopted Laura in October 2016, got our Adoption Tax Credit a few months later, and tucked it away in a special “Adoption Savings” account because we knew we would return to China soon. Robert worked for a company who offered adoption assistance, which provided us with another good chunk of money that covered almost all of our travel expenses. We saw Howie on a waiting child page, knew in an instant he was ours, and a few months later, we were heading to China to meet our boy. He has been full of energy, giggles, fun, and sometimes some mischief from the day we met him. He meshed right into our family and we were ready to go back again a few months after he was home. Everything about his process seemed easier than expected. 

When we committed to adopting from Bulgaria, we knew the aspects of trauma and special needs were up in the air, we wouldn’t know until we know. But, we had hoped and half expected the financial aspects and process to be fairly smooth. We have become experts at adoption paperwork, and I knew I’d be able to get the dossier and home study complete within a couple of months. I hoped we would have a new daughter in time for Christmas 2020. 

Financially, we were depending on an end of the year bonus to cover the costs. But, end of the year came and went, and bonuses were not to be this year. We panicked a little. With all the world’s cautions of “what about your real kids?” running through our minds, we prayed for several weeks about how this would work. The loud and clear answer we heard was:

Are you going to be obedient even if it is not easy? 

Yes. The answer always has to be yes. In faith, we continued to move forward. About a month later, we sat down to pay our taxes and we were blessed with a higher than expected tax return. I sat and cried in front of TurboTax, knowing the Lord was providing a way.  The tax return money allowed us to continue with our paperwork, finish our home study and dossier, get all our required fingerprints, and pay part of our agency fee. 

In March, we applied for a specific waiting child. But, before we could get an answer back about whether our family would be matched with her or not, the world shut down due to Covid 19. Both governments are closed. Bulgaria is not processing adoption paperwork at all. The United States is not providing clearances for families. Other families are awaiting travel and are stuck in process. Children waiting in orphanages. Families waiting for their beloved children. 

Are we going to be obedient even if it is not easy? 

Are we going to be obedient even if this takes twice as long as it should? 

Even if the money is not there? 

Even if we have to sacrifice? 

Even if we are going to feel pain? And anxiety? And fear? 

Yes, we choose obedience. We choose it when it is easy. We choose it when it is difficult. We know the joy that comes from obedience. The peace that surpasses all understanding as we walk in His will. The calm in the middle of the storm, knowing He is still on the throne. 

Now, here we are, May 1^st. Bulgaria is still shut down and we don’t know the answer about baby girl. The United States is still shut down and we cannot complete our dossier until they re-open. All our paperwork we worked so hard to get done quickly is in danger of “expiring” before it ever reaches Bulgaria. So, we may be doing it all again. 

Still, every time we pray, we know this is the path He has chosen for us to walk. And we will obey, even though we are not sure how long the road will be, how many twists and turns it will take, or whom is waiting for us at the end. 

He is good all the time. And His plans are so much better than ours. That we know and believe.