Lessons

As Laura healed over the past two weeks, our struggles were not only with her physical pain and discomfort but also with the instability in her heart and mind created by her pain. She has only been home 6 weeks, and as our sweet girl recovered from her surgery, we could see her pulling further and further away from us. She didn't trust us. Her trust fell away more and more as I had to care for her palate and her ears. The cleaning of the palate and the ear drops were torture for her. She was terrified. As the days went by, many orphanage behaviors returned and she pulled within her safe shell. She stopped wanting me to care for her and tried her best to care for herself. She shut down emotionally. Quit making eye contact. Shrieked any time she was out of control (even for things she used to love like baths.) Refused to drink anything except warm formula. And, even that, she would not allow me to feed her. The first 10 days left us both emotionally exhausted as I loved her through her sadness and grieved over her grief. 

It is amazing how many parenting lessons reflect our relationship with the Lord. As I prayed over our girl and wondered why she was so afraid and withdrawn, I was struck by how similar this reaction is to adults' reaction to God. What do I do when I am in pain? What do I do when I am out of control and hate everything that is happening to me? I grieve. I get angry. I become afraid. And I turn on the One who takes care of me. I decide that since God is not caring for me in the way I desire, I will care for myself and I will do it better than God.  Of course I have been in church long enough to never say any of those feelings out loud! But, if I am truthful, those are the feelings I have when pain and loss of control rule my life. And, as I pull away, He remains. He continues to care and is eager to have me return to Him. As I reflected on this, I was thankful for a God who is here. Teaching me as I care for my babies. Reflecting His truths into my life. Reminding me of His Words. Comforting me as I comfort them. 

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too." -2 Corinthians 1:3-5

Now we are 14 days post op and are seeing Laura smile and laugh more and more. She plays and asks to be held. Her mouth looks good and the stitches have almost completely dissolved. Both emotionally and physically she is healing and we are so thankful and happy to have her back. 

Cleft Palate Surgery: Day 1

So, this blog post is mostly just for education for people who may be considering adopting a cleft lip/palate kiddo...it may be kind of gross for people. So, if you have no interest in the ins and outs of palate surgery or are easily grossed out...skip this post! Also, I'm not going to post pictures of Laura from today (surgery day.) Today wasn't the day for pictures. It was a hard day.

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Today was Laura's surgery day for her open palate. Her cleft lip was repaired in China. On a side note, China has become very good at repairing cleft lips. Our surgeon commented several times on her lip and how great it looks. He said they couldn't have done it better here. He also mentioned that the cleft lip surgery is one the Chinese have really educated themselves on and they do a good job on the lips now.

For Laura, she was missing about half of her palate. Her entire left side was missing. She had a small strip of palate on the right side (which she used for sucking and eating). When we visited with the surgeon after we got home from China, he said he would do his best to completely close her open palate. However, sometimes they are unable to do so and therefore there will be a small hole (or holes) left after surgery. These fistulas will then have to be repaired a year or two later. The fistulas can still get food stuck in them and also may cause speech problems as children learn to talk. We were prayerful that our doctor would be able to fix her palate without leaving any holes. We were so thankful today when he said he was able to do a complete repair! Now, as long as her mouth heals properly, she should have a closed palate. Hooray! 

When I look in her mouth, I can see where he made two incisions along the sides of her palate (from her gums to about quarter of the way across.) There are now fairly large gaps on the outside of her palate that will heal on their own, from the inside out. He then pulled that soft tissue together and there is stitching from her teeth  (gums) to her throat. The tissue is swollen, so it kind of looks like a swollen cushion with stitching though the middle. 

She has been really uncomfortable all day. It has been a very long, hard day. Lots of trial and error, trying to get her comfortable. She is getting fluids from an iv, but we have gotten her off the morphine and on oral pain medication that seems to be doing the trick.

We are in a hospital that does not see a lot of cleft babies and that has been painfully obvious in her post-surgical care. The nurses don't know what to do and I am having to educate them on cleft and be adamant about following my doctor's orders on how to care for my daughter. Some hospitals probably see more cleft babies than others. But, be prepared to be an advocate for your child! Educate yourself by asking lots of questions of your surgeon before the procedure and after the procedure when he visits with you. I was so very thankful for a surgeon who didn't just do the procedure and then take off. He called me, and visited us several times and gave directions many times to the nurses so we could give Laura proper care. 

The stitches will dissolve in about 14 days...counting down to her being healed!

Thanksgiving

We took a trip up to Birmingham for Thanksgiving and had a lovely week with family. The weather there was spectacular for playing outside and the boys enjoyed the cool temperatures and the fall leaves. There is always something fun to discover at Grammy and Poppy's house in the woods! They also had a great time playing with their cousins!

Grammy and the boys out for a morning walk.

Building a fort in the woods. 

Laura had a great time on her first family vacation!

The familiar stare down...sizing up the competition.

Cousins!

Cousins! (And Rachel and Laura were so over taking pictures!) 

Golf with Poppy

I feel overwhelmed this year with all I have to be thankful for. It has been a tumultuous, exciting, hard, and wonderful year. There have been many changes and many blessings. I am so thankful for the work/life balance Robert now has with his job in Tampa. We get to see him every night. The kids get to chat with him and play with him every day. He is able to take the boys to school in the morning and put them to bed with me at night. We had not had that for several years and I am truly overwhelmed with the invaluable blessing of the presence of my husband and my children's daddy. I don't ever want to go back to the way life was in Dallas. 

I am thankful for the beautiful home and city we live in. We love seeing the water when we drive down the street in the morning and we love being able to drive down to the beach for the day on the weekends. 

I am thankful for the work of adoption the Lord placed first in Robert's heart and then in mine and for the amazing blessing of Laura Catherine.

I am thankful for my sweet, incredible children who I love more than I could even write in words. 

I am thankful that the Lord took me to China and there I met some other mommas who I consider my people. Who have blessed me by helping me get on track here in Tampa and find some groups to get plugged in with. It is nice to have people! 

All in all, my cup runneth over. I got teary eyed several times during the week of Thanksgiving as I considered my many blessings. I am so honored and humbled to have been given so much.

Fort Desoto

Just a few pictures of our trip to the beach with Grammy..

One Month Home

November 30 marked one month since Laura arrived in her new home. Life with five little people is busy and wonderful and the month has really flown by.

All the kids (and Daddy) playing with William's new birthday toy from Uncle Eric and Aunt Tiffany

Laura is adjusting very well. She is starting to pick up language. She can follow simple directions and said "MaMa" for the first time. She does have some fluid build up in her ears because of her open palate, and just like Rachel has some temporary hearing loss because of that. We expect her language to improve even more once she has her tubes in place and the fluid can properly drain.

Emotionally she is growing as well. She is sleeping much better at night. She sleeps in a pack and play at the foot of our bed. When she first got home, she spent most of the night curled up next to me in bed, but now she will sleep most of the night in her bed and just get in our bed to cuddle early in the morning. She still has some institutional behaviors hanging on, but they are lessening as time goes by.

Her little personality is starting to show more and more. She loves carrying "purses" around (any small bags she can stuff with toys and throw over her shoulder.) She loves swinging outside and being pushed around on her brothers' scooters. She enjoys watching her brothers. Rachel and Laura were fierce competitors at first, and they still feel some jealousy for one another. But, they also play nicely at times and will be mischievous together...which is pretty cute, even though I should probably not think naughty behavior is cute.

Our family is doing really well and enjoying being together. We are looking forward to Christmas with all our babies under our tree.

Do you see that look they are giving one another? Yikes! Stare down.

Halloween

Halloween was the day after Laura and I got home. We spent the morning carving pumpkins, the afternoon resting, and the evening trick or treating and playing and visiting with our neighbors. It was a happy day together!

Andrew giving Daddy creative pointers.

Big enough to carve his own pumpkin this year. 

Our excited trick or treaters.

Mario and Luigi

Our trash truck

This tired cheerleader slept in the stroller for the entire evening. 

Jet Lag

It's a bear!