Immigration Approval

 Immigration approval came today!!

Y'all. God is ... just overwhelming in the way He speaks and moves. As my feet pounded down familiar sidewalk this weekend, Paul's speech to the Athenians ran through my mind like a tape recorder: "...he is not served by human hands as if he needed anything...he himself gives life, breath and all things...he has determined their preappointed times and the boundaries of their dwellings...that they might seek the Lord and find him, though he is not far from each one of us..." This immigration step had me unraveling a little. Weeks and weeks of silence as I worried about my girl. But God...He reminded me during my sidewalk therapy session that He has a plan. As usual, He is not going to let me see the road map, just one step of obedience at a time. But...just like His timing has always been perfect in all things, His timing will also be perfect with Emmaline. He has all of it already worked out. For His Glory. For my good. For her good.

Monday night, my Spirit woke me to pray over our girl and this immigration application. Tuesday early in the morning, the same. In the wee hours of the morning, I sent an email to the United States Immigration office asking if they could check on our application. A few hours later, they responded that they approved us this morning!

Did God need my prayers to move the paperwork? Nope. But He asked me to chat with Him about it and He sure did use this to refine me, as always. So humbling. Somehow, the Creator also cares about the tiniest details.

Thank you for praying with us! One step closer to holding our baby girl!

Virtual Visits

 No better reason for a 3:30 alarm than to meet our newest daughter. We watched Emmaline play and talked with her caregivers. Her nickname is “Fire Girl” because of her strong will and occasional hot temper. I think she will be able to hold her own here! We love her so much. The next step we need is for the US government to get a move on with our immigration application!

We are thankful for these little video visits but they have also made the waiting even more difficult. We can’t wait to have her home!

Emmaline

 My Pa-Pa was a jokester. He told exaggerated stories, participated in many practical jokes, and he loved to tease people. I would like to say it was always out of love but that wouldn't be true. He got a kick out of irritating people. It made him laugh. And sometimes, a good laugh was priority over protecting feelings. 

My grandmother was prim and proper. She valued etiquette and grace. My mother and I called her Miss Manners. She was from the same rural area of Florida as my grandfather but, probably for the reasons stated above, my Pa-Pa was "that Norman boy" to my grandmother's mother. He was a little too country, not enough manners. 

Still, somehow he endeared himself to my grandmother and they were married for over 50 years before she passed away. 

My grandmother's name was Doris Emily. My Pa-Pa called her Emmaline. The story is, the name started as a way to tease her. Pa-Pa called her Emmaline, she argued that nickname "sounded too country. Don't call me that," he laughed, and she was irritated. This continued. 

By the time I was born, Emmaline was a sweet name of endearment. Only Pa-Pa called her Emmaline and I never remember anything but a faint smile on her face when he did. In public and to the world, she was Doris. When he needed something or in formal conversation, she was Doris. But, in the tender moments, she was his Emmaline. 

Both of my grandparents have left this world and gone on to heaven. I miss them everyday. I dream about them often at night. And I can't wait to see them again when my time here is done. 

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We have decided to name our baby girl Emmaline Victoria. 

Emmaline is a tribute not only to my sweet grandparents, but also to the two women they raised who have been two of my dearest friends my entire life: my mother and my aunt. 

My mother selflessly gave of herself my entire childhood and taught me so much about being a mother, it would be impossible to put it all down on paper. The most important thing, though, was that these tiny humans I am privileged to raise are a gift to be cherished and beloved. Time spent with them is never time wasted. The things of this world that seem so much more important are not important at all, not in comparison to raising my children. She made my childhood beautiful. And, now that I am grown, she is a dear friend to me. 

My aunt-BB was a child herself when I was born and from a very early age, I always looked forward to playing with her. Watching she and my mom interact has always been entertaining. I felt so special when they included me on their adventures...we always ended up in fits of giggles (and often lost). Now, I still enjoy any time we get to spend together. Hours go by as seconds when we are visiting. BB and her family have loved me and my babies well and I am so thankful for the continued relationship we have with all of them. They are a cherished part of our family. 

Victoria comes from our baby girl's Bulgarian name. It is the English equivalent of the name given her in the orphanage. We love that it means "victory". We pray daily for her heart and her well being and look forward to see how the Lord works in her life. 

Emmaline Victoria, we cannot wait to meet you! 

Our New Daughter

 We are absolutely thrilled to finally be matched with our newest daughter. Due to the laws in Bulgaria, we cannot share her face, name, or any identifying information until after we pass court in many months. She is beautiful and already loved so much. The process is still quite long, and we know it will be a difficult wait, but we also know she is worth it! We cannot wait to be her forever family! We love you, sweet girl!

This has been a trying adoption process. There have been many starts and stops. A big move. Big life changes. An agency change. So many delays. After every little detour, the Lord has been faithful to encourage and speak to us. He has made his path known and shown us the way to walk. We are humbled and grateful that He continues to use us and speak to us. And we are so honored and excited to be this baby girl's family. 

 

Even When It Is Difficult

The adoption process for Howie was…dare I say it?...easy. We adopted Laura in October 2016, got our Adoption Tax Credit a few months later, and tucked it away in a special “Adoption Savings” account because we knew we would return to China soon. Robert worked for a company who offered adoption assistance, which provided us with another good chunk of money that covered almost all of our travel expenses. We saw Howie on a waiting child page, knew in an instant he was ours, and a few months later, we were heading to China to meet our boy. He has been full of energy, giggles, fun, and sometimes some mischief from the day we met him. He meshed right into our family and we were ready to go back again a few months after he was home. Everything about his process seemed easier than expected. 

When we committed to adopting from Bulgaria, we knew the aspects of trauma and special needs were up in the air, we wouldn’t know until we know. But, we had hoped and half expected the financial aspects and process to be fairly smooth. We have become experts at adoption paperwork, and I knew I’d be able to get the dossier and home study complete within a couple of months. I hoped we would have a new daughter in time for Christmas 2020. 

Financially, we were depending on an end of the year bonus to cover the costs. But, end of the year came and went, and bonuses were not to be this year. We panicked a little. With all the world’s cautions of “what about your real kids?” running through our minds, we prayed for several weeks about how this would work. The loud and clear answer we heard was:

Are you going to be obedient even if it is not easy? 

Yes. The answer always has to be yes. In faith, we continued to move forward. About a month later, we sat down to pay our taxes and we were blessed with a higher than expected tax return. I sat and cried in front of TurboTax, knowing the Lord was providing a way.  The tax return money allowed us to continue with our paperwork, finish our home study and dossier, get all our required fingerprints, and pay part of our agency fee. 

In March, we applied for a specific waiting child. But, before we could get an answer back about whether our family would be matched with her or not, the world shut down due to Covid 19. Both governments are closed. Bulgaria is not processing adoption paperwork at all. The United States is not providing clearances for families. Other families are awaiting travel and are stuck in process. Children waiting in orphanages. Families waiting for their beloved children. 

Are we going to be obedient even if it is not easy? 

Are we going to be obedient even if this takes twice as long as it should? 

Even if the money is not there? 

Even if we have to sacrifice? 

Even if we are going to feel pain? And anxiety? And fear? 

Yes, we choose obedience. We choose it when it is easy. We choose it when it is difficult. We know the joy that comes from obedience. The peace that surpasses all understanding as we walk in His will. The calm in the middle of the storm, knowing He is still on the throne. 

Now, here we are, May 1^st. Bulgaria is still shut down and we don’t know the answer about baby girl. The United States is still shut down and we cannot complete our dossier until they re-open. All our paperwork we worked so hard to get done quickly is in danger of “expiring” before it ever reaches Bulgaria. So, we may be doing it all again. 

Still, every time we pray, we know this is the path He has chosen for us to walk. And we will obey, even though we are not sure how long the road will be, how many twists and turns it will take, or whom is waiting for us at the end. 

He is good all the time. And His plans are so much better than ours. That we know and believe. 

Bulgaria

Spring of 2019 was a difficult season. I lost my grandfather, and with his passing, grieved my grandmother all over again as well. They were both gone, and it felt like the only place I had ever thought of as home was gone too. In the same month, we suffered a second big loss in our adoption process and with the loss came revelation that the agency we were working with was, at best, grossly incompetent and, at worst, grossly deceptive. We felt like we could not trust them and ended up pulling out of the program completely. Then, the last week of May, we packed up our home of less than two years and moved from North Carolina to Georgia. A new city, new neighborhood, new streets on which to get lost, and absolutely no one we knew. 

Normally, I am a pretty steady person, but the waves of grief felt overwhelming throughout that summer and I found it difficult to see a vision for what would come next. I took one long day at a time. I found comfort in my family and, as always, enjoyed hours spent with my favorite people. 

The months rolled by and we started finding our new normal. One day, while sitting together in our basement, Rachel climbed up on my lap and asked “When are you going to get our new sister? I’ve been waiting and waiting for her. Is she ever going to come?” I sat quietly for a few seconds, and then, said, “You know, maybe we will just say our family is complete with the eight of us. Maybe we won’t adopt any more kids. We will just take fabulous vacations instead.” It wasn’t one of my finest moments. 

Rachel didn’t say anything. But, William, my sweet twelve-year-old son, looked at me and said, “No. That’s not who you are, Mom.” 

That is not who we are. Truth spoken from my young son. That evening I praised God in my prayer time for all the time we have had to pour truth into our children and that now, as they are getting older, we are starting to see that truth take root and blossom. I am so thankful He is working in their hearts in such a way that they see who He is and what He has called us to. They know we are His…that is who we are. 

A few months later, in December, the Lord started waking me up in the middle of the night to pray. Almost every morning around 4:30, I would be startled awake and feel an urgent need to pray. I’d tiptoe to the living room, wrap up in a blanket and sit with the Lord. I had no idea why He was calling me to this time with Him, but I knew He was preparing us for something. Sure enough, the week before Christmas, Robert said he felt like we were being called to start another adoption process and said, “I know we have another daughter.” 

We knew, after our experience with the other agency, we would only work with the agency who helped us with Laura and Howie’s adoption. CCAI has proved themselves to be upright, honest, and trustworthy. They walked us through both China adoptions, and we have always been happy with them. We know now that is not always the case in the world of adoption agencies. 

God continued to wake both Robert and me up through the month of January. Many mornings were spent praying about where we should pursue an adoption. We both heard “Bulgaria” but hesitated because we have always been afraid of adopting from Eastern Europe. The care there is worse than China and we have always been afraid of the trauma associated with adopting a child from that area. Despite our fear, God continued to make His call clear. He reminded us of His faithfulness. He reminded us that He would equip us, just as He did for Laura and Howie. He reminded us of the need and that it is His people He asks to meet the need. And, so, in January, we stepped out in faith, knowing it was His call and our answer must be “Yes.” 

1 Year Home, Part 2: Changing Together

I have said it before, and I will say it again. The hardest part of traveling to China alone, was coming home alone. While I was in China finalizing our adoption of Laura, the trip itself was fun at times, exhausting at others, full of adventure, and life changing. While I was there, I felt the prayers of my family and friends at home. The Lord sustained me in times of fatigue and gave me a brave heart that was able to enjoy the sweet time with my newest daughter and fall in love with her country.

We came home to our family and I was so happy to see them all and be together again. But...something inside me had changed and I couldn't...nor did I want to...go back to the "before." It wasn't a flashy change or something that any stranger would notice. But, my husband noticed and called me "post China Amy", sometimes in a more endearing way than others. I struggled internally to integrate back into American society. Truth be told, I had no desire to be back in American society. If Robert had been on board, I would have sold everything and moved overseas to serve the orphans in some way...any way. It was difficult to process all these feelings alone. It was difficult to have this life changing event without my husband there with me.

When travel approval came for Howie, we were thrilled that it worked out so that we could go together this time. We had several people in our life willing and able to care for our children and several people in our life who kept telling us it was important for Robert to be there this time (and we agreed.) I packed and prepared with excitement. I couldn't wait to hold our son. I couldn't wait to get back to China. I couldn't wait for noodles. I couldn't wait to hug several guides who I loved and I couldn't wait to share everything I loved with the man I love. Part of me did worry he wouldn't love it...and then what? "Please don't ruin China." is what I said as we headed to the airport that dark morning in April.

Then, we traveled for a long time. We climbed the Great Wall and met families with shared desires to grow their families through the blessing of adoption.  We met our son on a day that Robert would later describe as "one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen". We visited the orphanage and saw the hundreds of beds.  We walked the streets of Zhengzhou and Guangzhou together and fell in love with China together. And then came home together, and had each other to process through all the change and feelings and aches.

Although Robert still is not on board with selling everything and moving overseas, we do share an ache for the children we left behind and a love for adoption. We flinch at the "easy button" that so many desire to push, and laugh at the all the interesting conversations our little family creates. We love our children with our whole hearts and know we have room for more. Room in our hearts, room in our home. Because adoption and China changed us forever. And we thank God for that. Our lives are blessed beyond measure by the six precious hearts the Lord has placed in our family. It is a pleasure and a privilege to be their parents.