Reality Behind the Theory: Gotcha and Adoption Days

Howie's Gotcha Day April 10, 2017

At the end of two incredible but also very long days, Robert said "I understood what was happening here in theory last time. But I didn't understand the reality."

It is difficult to convey all the emotions of Gotcha Day and Adoption Day. In some ways, it is very much like a birth, in that we are so excited to meet our newest child and thrilled to finally have him in our arms and officially a part of our family. However, it many ways, it is very different from a birth. Because as we walk through the happiness of adding a life to our family, we are also walking through much grief and loss.

After Gotcha Day morning, Robert said "That was one of the most beautiful things I have ever experienced." As I said with Laura, it truly is beautiful, but not in an all is happy kind of way. It is beautiful to watch these sweet parents and families step forward and choose to love these precious children. They wrap their arms around these grieving children and love them. They love even when there is no love given in return. Even when it is hard. Even when there is pain. And, it is beautiful to watch the children. They come shocked and grieving for the life they lost. Some stay silent and defensive. Many scream and cry in both fear and sadness. And then...sometimes minutes later, sometimes hours, they begin to realize these people in front of them love them. It will take many days, weeks, months, or even years, to fully heal from their past losses. But, in just minutes, that healing begins. The crying subsides. For the first time in their lives, their needs are met the instant they have them. And they start to learn what the unconditional love of a parent really is.

For us, this time, we waited about an hour for Howie to arrive. We watched many other children arrive before him, and many families settle in with their newest babies. Then Howie arrived after a long 4 hour drive from his orphanage.

He cried for his "Ayi" (nanny) for a long time. He struggled to run back toward the orphanage director who had brought him. From the moment we saw him, we knew he had been loved well by his nanny. He has obviously been fed well and his orphanage director said his nanny cried a lot as they said goodbye that morning. (Howie kept saying "Nanny cry." in mandarin as he cried too.)

After a while, Howie decided that "Baba" (Daddy) was pretty great and clung to him the rest of the day. He wrapped his arms around Robert's neck and rested there for a while. Then we were able to feed him a little snack and give him a car to play with. He sat on the floor and rolled the car back and forth. We saw a smile. We got up and kicked the soccer ball with Robert and scooted around on a little car and we heard a little giggle.

By the next morning, he and Robert were best buds. Howie follows Robert around everywhere. He is warming up to Mommy, but I think he still associates me with loss. He will play with me and sits with me to eat, but when he is sad or tired, he prefers Daddy still. We are praying for his heart to heal and for him to know I love him too...and that he is safe with me. I am not leaving.

Best Buds

Adoption Day was long as we visited three different government offices and everything became official. Howie is now officially Howard Derek Zopp. Now we wait three days for all the paperwork to come through so we can move on to Guangzhou where we visit the U.S. Consulate and Howie becomes an American citizen.

Officially Howard Derek Zopp
Adoption Day, April 11, 2017

Superman was adopted too! :)